Last Assignment of my Money Management Class

I'm trying not to dig my eyes out with a spoon, but this financial crap makes me want to do bodily damage to myself!  Not only was this class geared towards young adults who were approaching the "real world", but I can't stand this stuff!  Some of my assignments have been about buying cars, buying homes, purchasing insurance for cars, homes, and health.  Some other things that we have learned about is how to compare checking and savings accounts.  I know what you are thinking...this has got to be the easiest class ever for a person that has owned more vehicles and homes than can be counted on toes and fingers.  No, I couldn't test out of it (and it's a 300 level class even!) I have actually learned a thing or two, but this last assignment is to teach someone about investing.  This has to be one of the worst, most boring, least likely to give a favorable reaction, assignment.  I loathe...the stock market more than I loathe big pharm....so here you go.  I am going to teach you about mutual funds and why I don't and will never invest in them.  Call me a crazy waco nut job democrat with enviro leanings, but I just can't do it and sleep at night....so read on or don't but at least my assignment is finished.  If any of you want to expand my knowledge base, feel free.  One thing is for sure, I would rather work at a slaughter house than deal with money and investing...and that is really funny because the last job I had before kids was working for a bank!!!  HA!

What is a mutual fund?  Well I liken it to taking all kinds of places that need or want your money and putting them into a blendtec.  Yes, that's right, a blender.  Then with that mix of crud, people called fund managers get out their special filters and extract all the companies that fit through their filter.  Then they take all that company smoothie and manage it.  They make sure that companies are "tasty" and are good for you.  If they are not, they add some other flavors that fit through their filter into the mix.  You and a whole bunch of other people decide that you want this manager to take your money and pool it together to get this special kind of smoothie that you think you would like.  Sometimes the concoction makes you healthy (makes you money) and sometimes it makes you sick.   That my friends, is a mutual fund broken down into non-money speak.
And here is why I will never invest in a mutual fund, because no one has a filter that I like.  I don't want to invest my money in any company that makes drugs, guns, pesticides, ammo, tobacco, genetic engineering, out of country corporations, outsources work to other countries, funds political candidates that I don't like, has poor human resource practices, is neglectful of the environment, has outrageous CEO salaries, is a bank or firm that needed bailing out, insures butts, hands or voices, or basically any company that is greedy.  So what am I left with?  Pretty much nothing.  At least from my research.  So my investment opportunities are narrowed down to single corporation investing.  And guess what that means?  Lots of homework!  I guess to put it in blender terms, I'm a blueberry and banana girl.  I don't like concoctions with 80 different things in it.  I'm a purist.  I like to know where my food is coming from and where my money is being used.  The problem with this is most 401K's are mutual funds that you get to choose from.  Most financial planning firms use mutual funds.  So there you have it.  I hope you understand a little better what a mutual fund is and next time you are given the opportunity to pick which funds your 401K is invested in, take a look at the nitty gritty and not just the pretty little graph that says your money is growing or shrinking.  Happy investing....now I'm going to go scream into a pillow for a few minutes!!!!!