I could go on and on about Michelle Duggar, (which I plan to do sometime this month) or I could show you my children's dedication to Halloween and authentic costume attire. But those posts are not fit for a first post when I plan on posting everyday for a month.
So I am going to talk about a dirty little secret that has reared it's ugly head this year. I'm going to let it all hang out and just tell the whole world that marriage isn't perfect. There. I said it. My marriage isn't perfect. And I know your marriage isn't perfect either. You might paint a idyllic picture with your facebook posts about how in love you are with your spouse, or you might sing his praises in public. But down in the trenches and the underbelly, is the cold hard truth. Most of us are struggling at one time or another with our marriage.
I know this for a fact because once I aired my dirty laundry so to speak, people came out of the woodwork to share their own marital woes. And one thing that really struck me hard was the fact that we all keep it hidden. Why is that? Why is it so important to put up a fake facade that implies that your marriage is perfect? What does it accomplish?
And I've come to the conclusion that it's nothing to be ashamed of or hide from because everyone goes through it at some time or another. I am of the opinion that adjustment of newlyweds is difficult because we never talk about the bad times and how to get through it. We are afraid that if we commiserate with others that somehow some of there problems might rub off on us. Well I am here to out myself and say, guess what, sometimes my marriage sucks. Sometimes I want to run. Sometimes I ask myself what in the hell did I sign up for this for? Really?
It's the hardest thing I have ever done is be married to someone that doesn't think like me, doesn't like the same stuff I do, doesn't have the same motivation or personality. I mean it annoys the crap out of me that my husband takes a book everywhere he goes and would rather read than get engaged in a conversation with others. He falls asleep when he sits still... He can't make it through a church meeting without me having to elbow him sharply to at least look like he's alert.
And yet, I think he is the best thing that ever happened to me. Yes I just said that. Why you may ask? Well, I was a wimp before I got married. I was like Tina saying "Hit me again Ike...and this time put some stank on it!" Not in the literal sense mind you, but emotionally I was a puppy just looking for love. I mean I didn't really grow a spine until my first husband died. I just pined away at men who completely took advantage of that love struck look in my eyes. "Man, she worships the ground I walk on...I could get away with anything! And she'll still love me." Yep. That was me. I was a sucka!
Well one thing is for sure, I am not that needy little girl anymore. And being married has made me stronger. I don't have a man that agrees with everything I do. And I definitely don't agree with everything he does, but we are learning how to love each other despite our obvious differences. Sometimes I believe that we are paired with people just to learn how to love a person that is exactly not like yourself. What a better way to learn how to love everyone that to be married to a person that is nothing like you? I mean, my husband is straight up OCD and I am straight up CHILL! I like long intimate conversations about politics and social causes. He's completely indifferent about anything political. I spend all my vacation building schools in Africa and be totally fulfilled. My husband wants to travel Europe or go on a cruise. We are very, VERY, different.
I firmly believe that if you don't get it the first time, God gives you the same thing until you get it. Well God gave me two husbands that are have quite a few similarities. And me thinks.....I must need to learn something from these traits that bug me so. Well I am here today to say that I get it. I get that I need to learn how to love a man that is so completely opposite of me. And I need to thank him for giving me the opportunity to learn something from him about how to be more like my Saviour.
And for all of you out there pulling your hair out because you just don't like your spouse....just admit it....your out there...I've heard it from your own mouth....it's ok. You don't have to like them. You just have to love them enough to get through the downs and pray for the ups. Because I will tell you that EVERY marriage has it's ups and downs. Your husband or wife is not your knight in shining armor and your wife is not your Cinderella. It's not the way the Lord intended. You learn from marriage. And I think that is why it's a commandment. It's not only to have babies, but it's the very thing that will perfect us and get us back home.
Marriage Builders has hundreds of articles that might change your perspective and to get started, I'd search the basic concepts tab. But of course nothing is wrong in your marriage right?!?!
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| My Rock on my hand with my low maintenance fingernails... |
