Two Golden Days

This was was written in my Great Grandmother's journal and I just wanted to share. I don't know if it's hers or just a copy of something, but I thought the words were profound.

There are 2 golden days on which I do not worry, 2 carefree days, kept sacredly free from fear and apprehension. One of these days is yesterday. Yesterday with it's faults, its mistakes and blunders has passed forever from my recall. I cannot undo an act that I wrought. I cannot unsay a word that I have said. All that it holds of my life of wrong, regret, and sorrow is in the hands of the Mighty.

Love that can bring honey out of the rocks, and sweet water out of the bitterest desert, the love that can turn weeping into laughter, that can give beauty for the ashes, the garment of praise for the Spirit of heaviness, joy of the morning or the woe of the night.

Save for the beautiful memories, sweet and tender that linger like the perfume of roses in the heat of the day that is gone, I have nothing to do with yesterday. It WAS mine. it IS God's.

The other day is tomorrow. It is God's. It's sun will rise in roseate splendor or behind a mask of weeping clouds. But it will rise. Tomorrow is God's day. It will be mine.

There is left but one day for me. Today. Anyone can take care of just one day. It isn't the experience of today that drives men mad. It is the burden of yesterdays, and tomorrows. Remove the happenings of yesterday and the dread of tomorrows. These are God's days. Leave them with him. Therefore, we should journey but one day at a time. It is the easiest way.

Fixing Sunday Dinner

Pot Roast wafting through the air is a magical scent reserved for Sundays only. It's meaty, oniony aroma is something akin to heaven for me. But when you are trying to use up what you have in order to have one less thing to move, you resort to eating things that you wouldn't normally. This Sunday I did serve Pot Roast and Mashed Potatoes with Sugar Carrots and a green salad. The menu didn't change. However the roast was dry, the potatoes were instant and the carrots had to be salvaged. Sirloin tip roast is not the most flavorful roast (now that I know this I wont buy it even if its less than $2 a pound.) I shredded it and then added a onion soup mix packet with a cup of hot water to the meat, and presto chango...moist flavorful meat. Instant mashed potatoes are nasty. I only eat them when forced. To remedy this assault on my palette (out of regular potatoes and it's Sunday) I added 1/4 cup of sour cream, 1/4 cup of bacon bits and then I put it in a big plastic bag with the corner cut off and piped into little mounds on a cookie sheet. Next, I sprinkled Parmesan cheese on top and stuck it under the broiler for 5 minutes. They looked fabulous, the kids loved them, and I tricked my taste buds with a great presentation. The carrots were beginning to sprout. In my attempt to salvage them, I cut up a bunch for lunch for dipping and my sugar carrots ( cut up, boiled, add 2 heaping tablespoons of brown sugar, 1 tablespoon of butter and a 1/2 teaspoon of dill) were reserved for dinner tonight. So there you have it. The salvaged dinner. It was eaten. Mommy tolerated it. I can't wait to move.

Confessions of a Closet Hippie

Evidently I can deny my heritage no longer. My blood runs heavy tie dye orange. But fortunately I come by it honestly. My parents were hippies. Growing up, I learned to love Jimmy Hendrix, Robert Plant, and most hippie rock bands. Dad had a full beard. We drove a VW van. My father had friends that had names like, The Bird, and The Lord. Not lyin...honest! My mother still to this day wears Teva's all year long and owns several tie dye dresses and used to wear Gunny Sack dresses all the time. We had African tapestries hanging from the walls. My childhood was very interesting to say the least. Let's just say that growing up, I learned to be very tolerant of other people and their values and belief systems. I am ready to embrace my heritage fully...and admit that I am a hippie through and through. Now don't go freaking out or anything...I don't embrace the drug use. Certainly that is something I learned to abhor from the mistakes of others. Mainstream society has embraced much of what we considered part of the hippie movement. Yoga, organic farming, living off the grid, environmentalism, tolerance of other religions, love and not war, equality, farmers markets, thinking outside the box. Some really great things have come from this really strange era in our history. And I must accept that I have integrated the good things wholeheartedly in my life and am not afraid to admit it.

Yes, I am firmly rooted in my LDS faith. My testimony is strong. But I am unique. For along time, I tried to run away from the way I was raised. Some of it was psychotic, but for the most part it taught me many valuable and wonderful things. I am moderate politically. I believe in social programs. I don't think welfare is bad or that taxes are of the devil. I grow my own food. I garden organic. I don't immunize my kids. I rarely go to the doctor. We use homeopathic medicines and herbal remedies to cure headaches and infections. I love to sew and recycle. I avoid conflict and fully embrace making "Love" and not "War". Everyone is my sister and brother...whether they are Atheist, Buddhist, Christian, Black, Hispanic, or Gay, etc...I have even been known to sing in the rain and praise God surrounded by nature. I own peasant skirts, and have a huge sandal collection. I prefer things natural and not tightly reigned in whether its my landscape or my organizational style. But I don't look like a hippie. I shave and wash my hair. I try to look nice but really, do we have to wear more than a good lip gloss everyday? I wont hide my wrinkles when I get them. Plastic surgery will never be an option for me. I don't subscribe to any fashion mags and I definitely don't go to the mall more than once a year. I am a freak. I am a nutty granola girl and I stand proud of the individual I am.

So why am I telling you this? Because I met my landlords last night and I seriously could be good friends with them. They are straight up Hippie to the core. They are old enough to be my parents...but we got along wonderfully and talked for 3 hours. We had much in common with them...more than I thought I would. These people were amazing. When she mentioned how they always have friends living with them, liking the Waldorf approach to schooling, having an amazing respect for the land and believing that everything has an energy..(deep doctrine people but it's SO TRUE!), all of these things I have come to embrace in my life. So I guess I am a hippie. I don't get my nails done, go tanning, or enjoy shopping. I would rather cook my own food than go to a fancy restaurant. I would live communally in a heartbeat. I am one crazy chick and I wholeheartedly admit it. Just think, now you can tell your friends that you have a hippie friend. Sorry if offends any of you that think the things I embrace are crazy. Don't worry. I still love you. We all can be different and that is a good thing.
I am not about to Macrame plant holders or start holding Wicca ceremonies in my fire circle, but I cannot deny that my normal is much different than most people I know...and I am ok with it now...I'm coming out of the closet!

My Brighten

Brighten shares a birthday with many important people in my life. Easter just happened to be on this day. Kevin's birthday is today and Tricia, my best friend, also was born on this day. Such important things happened on this day years ago...

Brighten is my miracle baby. After 9 weeks of radiation, Kevin was supposed to be rendered sterile. After suffering from a miscarriage in February, finding out that Kevin had a brain tumor, and then finding out that I was pregnant...I was stunned. Three days after we found out that Kevin was terminal, I found out that I was pregnant. Kevin had very strong feelings about having children. He was excited but also very scared for me. He didn't know if it would be a good idea for me to be pregnant. Her pregnancy was my hardest. I spent weeks going to the hospital daily to spend time with my dying husband. I can still remember the smell of the chemicals and the nausea I had to fight off. Shaking constantly because my blood sugar was so low. ( I never gained a pound with her) Right before my ultrasound, Kevin died...not knowing if I was having a boy or a girl. We hadn't even discussed names. Survival mode kicked in and after a few pre term labor scares, selling a house, moving back to Oregon, and buying a new one, I was blessed with this beautiful baby girl. She was supposed to be Elisabeth Paige but weeks before her birth, I began to have second thoughts. I really wanted to keep the "n" ending going. So I asked God to help me name this baby. Sure enough within days a name popped into my head on the back of a car...Brighten...I told Father to confirm it for me...and mere minutes later, I saw it again. This is how Brighten got her unique name. On her birth announcement, it read, "She has brightened our lives." Even now I can barely hold back the tears at what a profound blessing she was to me and to many others.

Baby Brighten came into this world with the help of the wonderful Dr. Bair and my dear friend Stacey Wolfe. She was my birth coach...I couldn't have survived that first year without her...she truly is an angel sent to save me...I love you Stace!

Brighten is a shining star in our family. She loves all animals. The most nurturing in our family by a mile. I see lots of children in her future. She is all girl and loved to play dress up and be the ultimate drama queen. She comes across as shy until she gets to know you. She is very polite and timid, but don't let it fool you! She is not that way! Diva, Princess, The Boss, are better words to describe her. She loves accessories and usually has to have some kind of sparkle on her clothing. I see a bedazzler in her future! She is a petite thing. I highly doubt she'll get much past 5'2". Her first word was mama but her second word was DADA! She called Patrick DaDa the second day she met him....isn't that just great?! Brighten loves gifts. That is her love language. She is the first one to make cards for all of her friends and loved ones. She is extremely artistic and is highly creative. Not only does she excel in visual arts, but is a fantastic ballet dancer and gymnast. She is also learning to play the piano and loves to sing.

Her cake
Brighten is the best thing that could have happened to me 8 years ago and I am forever grateful that God sent her to me. We love her with all of our hearts!

Update on the Chickens...

Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five, not six, not seven, but 8 eggs today! That means that everyone of our chickens laid an egg today. (Lindy ended up being Lindon and he is the most gorgeous rooster I have ever seen...black and white with a huge red comb...) For those of you not familiar with chickens, they don't lay everyday...more like 80% of the days that have at least 14 hours of sunlight. So this is a rare occasion. We average 3 or 4 a day the past few weeks. I am thinking that a quiche will be in our future. Maybe for dinner tomorrow night. Man, if I only had a cow, then I could make some blueberry crepes with fresh cream...I know...I have weird dreams.

MoonHawke

It's for real...we are going to move. The check has been sent. The application is approved. I even drove up to the house today to plant the first crop in the garden. In Oregon, you can plant alot of stuff in early spring because it doesn't snow in April! Sorry Utah...This home is unique. The gardens are all organic. Not a drip of Round-Up is used. Blueberries, apple trees, pear, plum, kiwi, grape vines and a perennial herb garden are all well established. There is a ton of art in the yard varying from a Japanese lady to dragons and toadstools. Rose vines, arbors, clematis...its going to be gorgeous in a couple of minutes! You have a perfect view of Mt. St. Helens and Mt. Baker?...anyway, lots of white peaks. It's less than half of the rent we are paying now, has a small red barn, an outhouse, and metaphysical symbols hanging on the siding. It is the quintessential hippie house. The kids seemed to enjoy the tromp through the woods today and Patrick found an old cabin and some forts in the sticks. I planted my Broccoli Raab, Organic Red Potatoes, Spinach, and Peas. The soil was amazing. Every spade full was loaded with worms and it was extremely workable. I am in love already. It needs a good weeding and cleaning. The green carpet seems to be my lot in life, but besides that, I think I will be mighty happy here. Christian is the only one that is a bit disappointed. He really loved Wilsonville, but we are supposed to be in Sherwood. The house was given a name by the owners and it even has a round painting depicting MoonHawke, it's name. I fully admit that I am a moderate Liberal so I think I will fit right in. It is just awesome that these people love their land so much. The fire pit will get a ton of use this summer and fall. These things just don't exist in Suburbia. And I for one, wouldn't trade them for the common floor plan and sidewalks. There is something about being surrounded in nature that just makes me happier than a kid in a candy store. I will miss this slice of Heaven that we live in now, but I get a view, more money and peace...can you put a price on that?

Spring...time for a fresh start.

I fell off the band wagon in March. Two weeks I only exercised 4 days a week. And then last week, while I was in Utah, I didn't even put on my New Balance shoes once...I was a slacker! Why did I break this great habit I have had since November? Well most of it had to do with stress and lack of sleep. And the rest, well I just needed a break. And I got one over Spring Break. Every single day I sat in the bathtub for an hour and read. Not only did I finish "Sara" but I also started and finished "The Glass Castle" and "Mary Martha and Me." My mind is full of juicy tid bits and quotes from these great books. I spent any spare moment reading instead of sweating.

Today I jumped on the bandwagon again full force. I have my gym membership for one more month and I plan on taking full advantage of it. So today I tangled with the elliptical. Four minutes into it, I was going 7.4 miles and hour and had a severe case of burning lungs, but I couldn't stop! Why you ask, well I was listening to some pretty serious 80's dance music and I just had to go fast! 20 minutes later, I was still keeping my pace and I hadn't keeled over yet, so I kept going. 43 minutes into it, I looked up to see a "vision" of what I could be like next year if I wasn't careful. You see, in the treadmill in front of me was this "hippie chick" complete with crocheted bag hanging from the side bar, tank top, no bra and unshaven legs...I just couldn't go on! I moved to the treadmill after 2 minutes of enduring her sight. I know, I must be shallow, but I am moving into the "hippie house" next month and I fear that all the peace love and joy of that place will turn me into a hippie. I promise to always shave my legs, wear a bra (gross!!) and listen to 80's dance music! Tomorrow, I will venture out again and try desperately to keep going and I will hide the chocolate chips!