Didn't I Do This Before?

When I was a teenager, I had perfect skin. Not a blemish to be had. It infuriated my friends. Well not anymore friends. This low maintenance girl actually had to buy some kind of facial cleanser, something with salylic acid in it? I feel like a teenager again. Adult onset acne. It's not bad...just bad for me. Could it be stress related? Probably. What isn't? Maybe it's because I feel like it's my senior year all over again. You heard me right. I feel like a senior because I started filling out a college application today.

The future isn't going away. So I might as well embrace it and let go of my fear. (How am I going to pay for this? Can Evan handle preschool every morning? Will my family be supportive? Can I remember how to do Chemistry?) After deliberating for almost a year, I have finally bit the bullet. Did you know that I was PreMed when I went to college? Kinda irks me when people ask if Kevin was smart (referring to my gifted kids) and I always am a little taken aback. "Me is smart too!" (said in a white trash accent) Yes it's true...I'm totally a nerd. Was in the TAG program, Honor Roll, etc. I was even teachers pet a time or two. It used to really tick off my roommates in college that I didn't have to cram for tests and still get an A.... Sorry for the tangent.

It's been quite the hairy little process to get me back to where I started and do what is in my blood. This girl is going back into Psychology. Going to finish my Bachelors. With that, I can't nail down what I want to do, but either I become a Naturopathic Doctor or a Doctorate in Psychology. Both are feasible and possible. Either way, someday, I will be a Doctor of something. Here's to the long road ahead. Here's to listening to Spirit even if it's really scary. (Note to self: don't question the Spirit. He will haunt you until you get it done...)

Canning

So I know it doesn't look all that impressive and it isn't organized like I want, but this is my pantry. Well at least it's one half of my pantry. What have I been doing lately? Isn't it obvious? When a batch of tomatoes ripens, I drag out the canner. When the peaches were at there peak? I dragged the canner out. After I picked raspberries? I dragged out the canner once again. We were lacking an apple tree to get free fruit off of this year, so I purchased a bushel off of a roadside stand on my way to McMinnville to buy the last Juicer/Steamer on the continental USA or so it seemed. So in between coring, peeling, and cooking apples, I steamed grapes for juice. I thought I might get a couple dozen quarts out of the vines at our house, tops. But what I realized is that I am poor judge of amounts. After canning 44 quarts of white grape juice and 10 quarts of concord grape juice, I took back my kitchen. 17 quarts of applesauce, 7 half pints of apple jelly (which is really apple syrup since I forgot to add pectin but it still tastes divine) and 54 quarts of juice, I think I need a little break...like eat a whole package of cookies break...like drop a bomb in the kitchen rather than do the dishes break...like just go buy new drip pans for the stove instead of scrubbing off the burnt on fruit sugar break....

But alas, we have grapes growing on the deck and over the trellis that still need to be picked....so in reality, I still have more to do. Hazelnuts to roast, grapes to pick and jelly to make. Don't get me wrong, I love fall. I love canning, so much so that my canner is starting to peel off it's impervious coating from the bottom...but part of me is doing this because I cannot stand seeing things go to waste. It makes me vomit a little in my mouth. All these luscious apple trees around my community with their windfall fruit circling around their roots, makes me want to cry. So if you hear of a lady who died from mushroom poisoning, that would be me. I think I am going to go out to the forest and forage for the little poisonous buggers just so I can feel like nothing is going to waste...did I mention that I have 2 huge crabapple trees that are calling my name?...Somebody save me from my insanity!!!!!

I Love Crazy!

Note: this is not me, just some random woman who just happens to look like I felt


Crazy is usually used as a derogatory term, but in my case, I think it fits me to a tee. Yesterday was just another crazy day in the life of my family. Saturday is filled to the brim with activity and I drink it all in as Anne of Green Gables would say.

Our day started off with us getting up at a decent hour of 8. The children stuffed their faces with toast and eggs. Patrick drove Christian to football practice and I actually blew my hair dry and put on a tiny bit of makeup. (good thing too because this day gets pretty interesting) Feeding the dog, OOPS, forgot to buy dog food, so the burnt toast and a dozen scrambled eggs would have to tide the guy over. After getting all the remaining children ready for soccer or spectating, I waited outside for Patrick to drive up. He arrived in time for us to load up and get Anderson to his soccer game a few minutes late.

We watched our awesome Kindergartner save the day and score 3 goals. Mark my words, you will see his name in lights for some kind of athletic prowess. The kid is a phenom on the field. He actually ran 11 laps at the fun run on Friday...more than any other kid I have heard of. Then we left early, before snack which is the reason that some of those kids even like soccer, and rushed to the football game across town.

Christian's team was dominating. Looking frantically for Janye, the kids newly adopted grandma since none of their REAL grandparents ever come to any of their games, we finally ran her down and proceeded to watch Sherwood hand Wilson their butts on a turf platter. Janye brought a Costco box of Rice Krispie treats. Definitely will go down as one of their all time favorite games as they snarfed down 34 rice crispy treats in an hour. Good grandma style though! Did I mention that I rarely remember to feed my bottomless pits? Lunch wasn't going to happen so 34 rice and marshmallow squares would have to do. After giving Vicki, my wonderful Aunt who came to watch as well, and Janye, their homemade jam, we were off to pick up Madeline from the airport.

We had 30 minutes. Did I mention that United Airlines woke me up at 3:45am to tell me that I needed to pay them another $100 for Madeline's safe return home? Did I mention that I keep my wallet in my car? Did I mention that we have no outside lighting and that I was zombie walking in the middle of the night trying to recite my credit card number to a crabby easterner who wasn't very nice? Anyway, we were there right on time and she was early...figures. We all crammed in the car and the kids and parents alike bombarded her with questions. Then the gifts came out. Patrick decided to drop a bomb on us at this point and let us know that we were going in for an audition for a travel documentary in Oregon. What the HELLO?!

Meeting with a casting firm was not on my agenda, but in order to appease my husbands unique idea of fun, we proceeded to downtown Portland with 5 dirty kids, 2 of which stunk to high heaven after their respective games. We filled out forms, including descriptions of ourselves that just happened to mention our weights and heights. Why? Why does anybody need to know how much I weigh? Just look at my photo...and take a wild guess. I guarantee that I don't look like I weigh as much as I do. My bones were dipped in steel when I hit puberty. That's my story and I am sticking to it. After sitting for 2 hours amongst families with their perfectly dressed "Gap Ad" kids and their skinny model head shots...head shots?...what has Patrick gotten us into now?...I actually was quite happy with our little performance and my kids shined! Who cared if Evan just cut his hair off and my kids weren't wearing socks. They were my "normal" and I loved each of their little quirks. At least we are in the database and if the next Twilight movie needs a middle aged curvy woman that can cook, well I'm your girl! Secretly, I think that Brighten would make a perfect love child of Edward and Belle. She could scare the crap out of any self respecting human, just put some fangs on her and watch her scream her cute little head off!

Any way, by this time the rice krispy sugar high had worn off and Madeline's secret stash of Dr. Pepper Jelly Belly's had been exhausted, so we headed to Izzy's to feed the hyenas. Gorged isn't the right word I would use, but lets just say that my food budget has increased sizably in the last few months. I've never seen my kids eat so much ice cream! I see all you can eat joints in my future. 3 boys will soon be 3 teenage boys and Costco will become my primary grocery store... As we still only have one car and Patrick's BIG BOSS will be coming to check on them on Monday, we had to make a trip to Office Depot. It took him an hour to get everything while we sat in the car and watched The King and I. Did I mention how much I love having a DVD player in the vehicle? The sugar high was starting to wear off completely and we had some pretty cranky kids at this point. I thought Madeline's head was going to explode! Jet lag and 4 loud siblings did not sit well with her.

We arrived home at 8pm. Madeline immediately went into hysterics at the site of her messy room. OOPS! There was cat litter everywhere. I really should pay more attention to Brighten and Anderson. They are like Thing 1 and Thing 2...always making a mess and leaving the aftermath behind. So as Patrick went straight to work, I was barking out orders for Christian to pick up the kitchen floor, sending Thing 1 and Thing 2 immediately to bed with tear filled screams of unfairness and vacuuming up litter off of a very tired preteen girl's bed. Cats smell. We have 4 now. I am so done with animals. Isn't 5 kids enough already?

Evan decided that the 5 minute snooze in the car was enough to give him his second wind and he would not go to bed. This is where all that sugar comes back to bite me in the Butt...and so after everyone was in bed except for Evan, I snuggled up next to him with my IPod and tried to pretend to sleep. He was out in 45 minutes and Mommy really wanted to go to sleep too. But where was Patrick? He wasn't done. So I went to sleep...well I tried. Then he comes to bed and wants to talk...he had too much sugar too and was hopelessly impossible to talk to. Around and around in circles the conversation went. So I did what any self respecting woman in need of sleep has to do and did the only thing that I knew would knock him out...enough said. I finally crashed at midnight.

That was my day. It was crazy. Most days are crazy around here. Are their parts I'd like to change? Sure, but I love crazy because that means I am living and I am grateful for that!

Madeline Becomes Independent...

Well as far as I am concerned, when she left the womb, Madeline was clamoring to do everything by herself. Madeline is the perfect first child. She and I have always had an other worldly bond...literally. Not only does she have every quality that I lack, but admire, but she is crazy gorgeous too. I must confess, that there never was a cuter newborn on this planet than her. A perfectly round head, and little button nose were just too much for a first time mother to take in.
11 years ago, I should have known this day would come. Not only was that girl in a hurry to learn how to walk and talk, but to do everything by herself. The fact of the matter is, she does it better than me. Organization, responsibility, rule keeping, leadership, brains, artistic talent...she has it all. We have always pinned Madeline as a famous lawyer or judge. So when the chance for her to go to Washington DC on a leadership retreat, we didn't care if we had to beg, borrow or steal, she was going to get this chance. My Madeline is definitely excited to go. Mom, on the other hand, is a little nervous. Part of me tells myself that she is so capable that she will shine. Part of me still thinks she needs to hold my hand to cross the street.....sigh.... But in all reality, she really isn't mine....she is her Father's child and I just get the honor of helping to raise her.
So as she travels to Capital Hill, Supreme Court, and dines at a foreign embassy, travels to Jamestown and Williamsburg, War memorials, Holocaust Museum, National Cemetery, Smithsonian Air and Space Museum, spends the day in Washington DC at various sights and ends with a cruise on the Potomac, I will remember that she is not just mine. God has a great work for her to accomplish in this life. Madeline Leigh Carter is going places....better get out of her way!

I Fancy Facial Hair

Wandering through my local Deseret Book ( an LDS bookstore) on friday while killing time before picking up my husband from work, I happened upon my favorite picture of Christ. Ok, it's really the only picture of Christ that I even like. It seems to me that they either make him out to be a football player or he looks too fake. Even in this one, they make his shoulders unusually large, and I just tell myself it's a metaphor for the weight of the world on his shoulders.... I'm hard to please. See, we have no picture of Christ in our house. This one framed, a small one, would set me back $250. But I digress, this post is about my fetish...
So after scouring the framed and unframed art, I came the the realization that I think Jesus is HOT! That sounds so incredibly horrible, but why do I? And it all became perfectly clear to me, an Ah Ha moment if you will. I have a thing for facial hair. It's true, I confess, I love men with hair on their face. Did it start with George Michael? Or maybe it's because I don't ever remember having my father with a clean shaven face. Both my brothers sport a goatee. After purchasing this amazing shot of Christ walking along the shore, the small 29.95 one, I started to think about all the men that I found attractive. Every celebrity that, to me, is eye candy looks 10 times better with facial hair.




So why is it so unacceptabe? I don't get it. Jesus had a beard. Depictions of God, show him with a beard. Prophets of old had a beard. Gosh darnit...what is the big deal?! I think it looks amazing! In a devious sort of way, I asked my husband what he thought of men with a beard...or facial hair. His first response was Hitler! His next, the Unibomber! I don't get it...why didn't he say Jesus, or Brad Pitt? Or my dad? What is it about our culture that frowns upon facial hair as some hippie act of defiance and unkempt or unclean. On more than one occasion, I have begged my husband to sport a goatee. He goes for months and looks fabulous only to shave it off because he has some meeting and doesn't want to appear sleazy or like he's hiding something????

So you decide...which picture of these extremely famous men looks more masculine? I know, I have a problem. Is there a class I can take or a 12 step program, because I don't think I can get rid of this problem alone.....:(

On Mothering....

It is oh so fitting to do this post now. I recently had my 36th birthday and was reminded of my many mothers in my life.

My mother and I have been estranged for many years. Our interaction mainly consists of an occasional function every few years, a letter once a year and maybe a phone call once a year. Sounds quite drastic doesn't it? This year I got a letter a couple of months ago. Yes, she lives only an hour and half from me. She doesn't send the kids cards, call on birthdays, or attend family gatherings. She is sick. She had Borderline Personality Disorder among other things. My childhood was highly dysfunctional. But this is not a post about my horrible childhood. It's a post about how lucky I really am.

While I might not have a nurturing mother, I've learned a great deal from her. My mother is very creative, unafraid, independent, confident, frugal, and open. All of these qualities, she passed onto me. Despite all these wonderful traits that my mother gave me, she wasn't really a mother to me, so God sent me others to teach and guide me.

When I was very young girl of 7, I was invited over to a friends house to practice for a primary program. I stayed for dinner and what happened at that dinner table, forever changed my life. See, I had never sat a t a dinner table in my own home with my family before. So this act was completely foreign to me. But as we prayed and ate around candlelight, I felt the most amazing spirit of love. I decided then and there, that I was going to have this kind of family and this kind of love. So thank you Linda Matthews for your example.

As I grew, my parents eventual divorce led to a new woman in my life, my stepmother. She wasn't the warm and cuddly mom that I had longed for, but I am so grateful for the things she taught me. We went to fashion shows and fancy restaurants together. We ate like kings, traveled, and she opened a whole new world for me. I am the cook I am today because of her. My class, style, poise, ability to feel comfortable with all classes of people would be severely diminished without her to guide me. So thank you Coral.

As a teenager, I fully saw what I was missing because of my mother's illness, and God brought me my church mother. She took me under her wing and made sure I had someone to talk to. She got me through YW, helped me finish getting ready for college, gave me a job and a place to live. She came and visited me at school, and although I can't say for certain, probably helped pay for my mission. I brought Kevin to meet her, cried with her about lost loves, she helped plan my reception, hosted a bridal shower and generally showed me unconditional love. And, as her body eventually gave way to a 7 year long battle with cancer, she taught me about hope and endurance. Sheila Moore, you were more a mother to me than anyone on this planet and I can't wait to hold you again!

While my own husband was dying of cancer, God sent me another mother to help me through the next phase of my life. She was there to include me in her family, a listening ear whenever I needed to vent, gave me a spiritual perspective, showed me what blessings were in store for someone who loved all...She watched my kids so I could go out. I want to be like her when I grow up. Even now, her thoughtful advice is amazingly, just what I need to hear. God speaks to me through her. Thank you Julia Carter.

Now with a busy life filled with 5 kids to mother, I have realized how very lucky I am that I got more than one mother in my life. They all have shaped me into the woman I am today. All the things I missed out on, I will be extra vigilant about giving to my own children.

So next time I feel cheated because I can't just call up my mother and tell her about my day or get advise on some matter, I can look back on this post and remember to be grateful for what I have been given and what I will be able to give.

I love being a mother more than anything else....

Sampson and his powers...

There is a big frown on my face this beautiful morning. I held my little boy and sang him songs. He looks so different, but still very much like a baby. Mommy can't stop staring at his HUGE noggin. Scissors can destroy so much....I know it will grow back, but curly hair just is not that attractive when it is super short. He also doesn't have the thickest hair either so he pretty much looks like he went through a wood chipper. Don't worry, I didn't keep the mullet for long... My little cherub is still in there somewhere is he not????

Note to self: It's school season and scissors will be left out in the most obvious and not so obvious places.