Letting Go

I finally did it.....  I've had it since my senior year and I keep hanging on to it like a security blanket.  Oh sure, there have been others, but nothing like this one.  I keep going back to this one.  It is just so comfortable and it knows me.  It makes my life so much easier.  But it was time to move on no matter how hard it would be to let go.  It was missing things I needed in order to grow.  But I loved it's imperfections.  They kinda grew on me.  At it was just so darn colorful and easy to understand.

Piqued your curiosity yet?

Well I am speaking of my first set of real scriptures.  You know the pair: the one you had your name engraved on.  The one that gave you answers to all your questions in your late teens and twenties.  Yes, I have had a relationship with my triple combination for almost 20 years.  It's been through Hell with me, literally and figuratively.  Many a tear stained page lies within it's binding.  Some were tears of joy, and others, tears of sorrow.  But it's time to let it go.  See, my scriptures were one of the last sets of white scriptures to leave Deseret Book.  And they are really dirty now.  In fact, whenever I go to the temple, I look up at the officiator and covet those scriptures he has in his hands.  Oh how I want a white pair!  But since that is almost impossible to procure, I settled on a dark green pair.  Yes, I went for separate books.  I know, way to be old school, but I like it better.  Which brings me to my next point...why don't they make scriptures waterproof?  See, my Bible bit the big one after being "baptized" in the bathtub one dreary night.  Tried as I might, those feather thin pages just dried themselves together like glue.  So I have been hangin on with a spare set of either Patrick's or Kevins and mine.  See, that just doesn't fly at our house when Patrick happens upon the Carter set of scriptures.  Panties get all wadded up and the spirit just flies out the window.  So I have been covertly "stealing" a bible from one kid or another.

Now, I am going to have to let my triple go!  It met it's match with a certain dead lab that just so happened, met his death from a cougar last year....see, God does punish those that take the Word of God lightly!  But seriously, it is tattered and torn and most of Alma is unreadable( really, who needs to read about all those wars anyway?).  It's not the chewed on leather or the torn pages that matter though, it's the footnotes about an investigator on my mission, or an answer to prayer.  It's like a sacred heirloom, and I'm having a hard time letting go.
What will happen if I ever get to go back to Gospel Doctrine and I can't find that perfect scripture I remember?  It's marked with the yellow and blue on the left hand side right in the middle...that's how I remember my scriptures.

So I am retiring the worn white combo and have decided to move on.  After all, it's time to fill in all those margins with things other than missionary scriptures right?  Green will be just as good...it's my favorite color...and who knows, I bet I can find some cool pencils to color in all the white with....sigh...

People Actually Read This....

Isn't it amazing?!!!  Can't tell you how many people have outed themselves to me personally that read my blog but never comment in the past few months.  Which leads me to wonder, how many people out there read my blog, never comment, and never tell me about it?  It's like the black widow theory that was circulating in California at the time I lived there.  If you see one black widow, there are 5 more lurking in the unseen cracks around your house.  So the 4 I saw meant I had 20 hanging out around my house!  Gross and creepy when it comes to deadly spiders, but not so bad when it comes to people who might actually find me funny and enjoy my writing.  In any case, thanks.  If you think I suck, thanks for not commenting about my lack of correct english usage (if you only knew that I banned my husband from reading my blog because he feels the need to edit my work...it's his addiction to edit).  And if you enjoy what you read, then my job is done.  I just want to share what's in my head, however crazy and disjointed it sometimes is.  It's who I am.

So for all of my adoring fans, I will not be selling my underwear on the internet or sending out glossy head shots signed in sharpie marker, but rather, if you have never left a comment, out yourself and I will randomly pick one of you to receive a $10 gift card to Red Robin,Target, or Sweetest Thing (you choose) so you can spend some quality time off of your computer!  :)))))))

Culture

You want a list of how stereotypically Oregonian I am?
1. I'm a democrat
2. I drive a VW...second only to a Subaru Outback
3. I am a foodie
4. I have a Mac
5. I have chickens in my backyard
6. I read lots of books and go to Powell's
7. I shop locally and sustainably
8. I am becoming a tech junkie
9. I am relaxed in style and actually own real Birkenstocks (only suburban mothers wear heels to school functions...and yes I have done it...but really, anyone else own a pair of comfortable Dansko's).
10.  I grow a garden

Any others you can think of?  Well I took my little boys on an adventure the other day to Downtown.  When I was a wee lad...ok when I was 14, I used to go downtown alot and I mean alot!  Mass transportation was my friend.  I guess that makes me pretty independent and brave for all you suburbanites out there.  And don't start yelling that its worse now...it's the same.  I saw people peeing in the streets when I was 14...and heaven forbid, I even "cruised" Broadway with friends for fun.  Man, I was such a rebel.  I had no fear.  I guess I still don't because I am thinking I really need to expose my kids to the city a bit more.  Forget the zoo and Safari Sams.  China town is cool.  Bums are an education.  Food carts rock.  Punkers are fun to look at.  And Anderson thinks the Portland Streetcar is pretty awesome!  Maybe this Saturday, I take my brood on a little trip into the city so they can grow to love Portland as much as I do.  Who thinks I'm nuts?!

The Way to Christlike Love...

This is one amazingly powerful talk that is so poignant for many of us.  The Way to Christlike Love.  It's message is so immense I think I should just read it verbatim for my talk tomorrow.... I truly have had 3 talks and then this one just blew it all out of the water....

The Break That Wasn't

I just had to put this up, because I know some of you own the "Keep Calm and Carry On" version of this artwork.  Instead of throw stuff, it should have said throw up stuff.   Really, who gets the stomach flu when it's gorgeous and green?  Me, that's who.

Don't mind me.  I'll yell a little in my pillow and then get over it.  Seems to me, that I do better when I don't have much free time.  I actually get more accomplished and my ADD doesn't dominate.   My breaks become chaos.  So here's to 14 credits, doing a few side design jobs, babysitting, being a fabulous wife and mother, another secret endeavor that shall remain that way so I don't jinx myself, finishing my kids bedrooms, giving a talk, doing my calling, and gardening for the next few weeks.  Sounds like fun huh?

Blogging

Did you know that when you die, people will hang on your every word, no matter how mundane it may seem to you?  Last night, Madeline attended a fireside for Trek.  The speaker was telling the kids about his great great grandfather who died in the Martin Handcart Company rescue.  Something inside me perked up when I overheard him saying that first sentence.

I'll admit, I've been in a blogging rut because I'm not doing anything noteworthy or picture perfect at the moment.  Just going about my day to day life trying to get it right.  I do find that I can't be as honest out in the blogging world as I am on paper that can be hidden away for no one else to see.  But it's true, I hang on every word I find about my ancestors.  Part of me feels so connected to them.  When I found out that one of my great greats was a Free Methodist minister, and this same man has this tremor I get in my left hand sometimes, I felt connected.  I am who I am because of him.  I am who I am because of my Great grandfather who built bridges along the coast.  I am who I am because of my Great Grandfather who died at the age of 30 who was an alcoholic.  I am who I am because of my Great Grandmother who raised 9 kids or my ancestor who buried 8 of her children in a small pox epidemic.

Something so poignant that Brother Madsen said was that it didn't matter that our relatives were pioneers, it only mattered that they were ours.  We all have a history and it's so important to continue that history.  I for one, was moved to action.  Because it's not about me.  It's about a future time with people that are related to me.  They will laugh at my bra blog and be fascinated by what I cooked.  I can see it now, 100 years later, some future great great granddaughter will be trying to get her hands on fresh blackberries that are a weed to us, to make lemonade cupcakes with blackberry buttercream...

My Rain

Deliver me from it.

Running from it.

Endless sound of it.

Mess of it.

Sick of it....

Letting it finally sink in.

Drinking it.

Absorbing it.

Purified by it.

Rejoicing in it.