Insanity is a completely plausible defense that allows any mother to not be held accountable for anything criminal. I completely feel insane and do really stupid things because I am tuckered out half the time. My son Anderson talks with his “outside” voice 24/7 and tonight I resorted to telling him that his punishment would be to sleep outside if he used his outside voice…criminal…technically yes…logically I think it would leave a lasting impression don’t you think? One howl from the coyotes that frequent our land would render him speechless for at least a few days.
Went on a drive through the country today. This seems to be my favorite pastime this year. Red barn, orchard, cow, horse, red barn, quaint old farmhouse, junk heap, million dollar view, million dollar home, red barn…. Somehow this is cathartic for me. I basked in the sun through the windshield. Evan slept. Listened to mood music, and felt incredibly heavy hearted. I am weary. If I look at one more house I will scream! Knowing what lies around every bend from Wilsonville to North Plains, you think that I could find something that just screams,”This is your house!! Buy ME!” But alas it is not meant to be that easy. I have amassed thousands, yes that is right, thousands of pictures of the insides of homes from Clackamas and Washington counties. If any of you fret at night that the inside of your home is the most catawampus in the block, you are dead wrong. I have seen the most beautiful outside shells of homes and just fallen in love only to be accosted by horrible floral wallpaper and hideous kitchens. Oak is OUT! So is Maple! People, please for the love of sight, let me come and help you out next time you try and conquer a “remodel” I will count it as service and not charge you a dime, because buying the clearance sheets at Target for living room curtains and then retrofitting the entertainment unit at Kmart into kitchen cabinets is not remodeling. Inexpensive does not have to mean cheap. Please, for humanities sack, call before you decide to paint your ceiling red or put pergo up your tub surround. I’m totally serious.
Our house is on the market again. I can’t help but think this is deja’vu. In a little under a year you think that we could have accomplished more than blowing a load of dough out our proverbial butts! Butt alas; we are here again, putting the house in Utah on the market, and trying to find a home in Oregon, still waiting for the Big Paycheck from the investor. Spent, is the only word I can think to describe how I feel. Depleted, maybe another close second. On the bright side, I did not have to endure another torturous winter in Utah. This year was particularly gruesome as far as frozen temps and snowfall go. When I saw the picture the real estate agent took of our house today, I almost tossed my cookies. It is like Portland is the Garden of Eden with green things growing out of every possible crack and Utah is like the lone and dreary world where everything is a shade of beige and brown. Maybe God in his infinite wisdom had this extended “hotel” stay in the plan so I wouldn’t be committed to a psychiatric facility this winter. I don’t know how I did it for 5 years…oh that is right, I was pregnant!
Speaking of cracks and stuff sprouting forth thereof, I am still in shock the trees in this valley have ferns growing out of their branches, I mean who knew? It reminds me of my five little kids grabbing on to me when we go anywhere. Picture this frazzled plump women with two little children grabbing onto back pockets of her pants, purse dangling from hand, loaded with a 35 lb toddler holding a blanket and sucking his thumb. Very large Dr. Pepper in the other hand with the two oldest children holding the little kids hands. I look like a multitasking octopus that needs a nap!

So here’s the scoop, I am writing this because I am so sick of looking at “virtual tours” of crappy homes that I could scream and I have occasionally snooped at all of the cute blogs that everyone seems to find the free time to create, so I must blog.
Girlfriends beware I am honest to a fault. If you take offense, don’t read it anymore. If you laugh, my job is done. If you feel like you’ve been there, done that, then I hope for both our sakes it gets better.
May all your cracks eventually be filled with “green stuff” (and if you don’t get the whole garden metaphor then please allow me to expand…see all living things need decaying matter to grow in aka trials…and eventually we have enough crap in our cracks that pretty things start growing in them!)